I chant my prayer in my heart…take a deep breath…look at my face in the mirror opposite my bed…at length…look away from my phone kept by my bedside…get out of bed…usual routine so far...
Dad’s cheerful voice comes from parents’ room…thank god for my blessings…smile…before I go into their room… usual routine so far
Mom gets tea…ask her if she is feeling alright…she had a severe headache yesterday…she looks unusually tired…I fear she has high BP…she ignores my question… usual routine so far
Tidy the room…prepare breakfast for dad…he keeps talking to me and my brother to liven up the morning…we humor him…usual routine so far
Mom is busy putting things in place along with our maid…I step outside for a while…when I get back into the room, mom shows me she has hurt herself. The basement door got unhinged and she got stuck in it. The door is a heavy iron door. I am scared. I ask her if she is hurt badly. As usual she dismisses and says “no, minor hurt.” Her hand is swollen. I apply an ointment on her hand and bandage it…deviation from usual routine…
I thank god for averting what could have been a major accident. I request my mother to take some rest. She ignores me. Usual routine…
Our guests arrive. We greet them. They are elderly people who are here to sort out a distant cousin’s impending divorce…she was beaten up by her millionaire in-laws…deviation from usual routine
I visit orkut. I go through the day trying to focus on what I should be doing…what the day has in store for me…what is it that I will do through the day…look at my phone…look away…hum a prayer…usual routine
It’s four in the evening. I ask mom if her hand is OK. She says yes it is. I take a nap with her. When I wake up, I go to the temple. I thank god for my blessings. I pray for strength. When I return, my brother says he is going out to meet his friend. I go to the market for the customary weekend visit...usual routine
At the market, I buy a stain glass painting set, on an impulse. I’ve never done stain glass painting before. For a few days, I had been thinking about gorging on a burger. I buy calorie-laden burgers from the local bakery… deviation from usual routine
I come back home. Gorge on the goodies. I start the painting…chide myself for the AWFUL attempt…but, continue anyway. I go for a walk… deviation from usual routine
I have taken my watch with me to time myself for the walk instead of my phone…usual routine
I return home much earlier than I thought I would. I check on my phone…I visit orkut. I begin preparing dinner. My brother comes home. He tells me he has met with an accident and that he was lucky to have worn a helmet because he hit his head on the pavement. I don’t know if I am more scared that he met with an accident or more relieved that he is back safe. I ask him how he is. He dismisses my question and says “it’s a minor wound.” I apply ointment on his wound. I step out and go to the temple. I thank god for looking after my family and averting what could have been a major accident. I am really scared. I pray for strength…I pray for the well-being of my family and others. It’s not an average routine day anymore.
I serve dinner to my family. I keep chanting my prayer…thanking god for keeping my family safe. Thanking god for keeping us together so that we could be there for each other when we were needed…I wonder...I am angry with myself for not forgetting. I don't want to be angry.
My mom is moaning now. I ask her what happened. She tells me instead of her hand, her leg is hurting badly suddenly. I can see the pain on her face. I feel helpless. Thankfully, my father is there. My brother is also hurting. I don't want to be weak. My dad is looking after my mother.
I call my cousin who is a physiotherapist. She suggests cold compression for both the patients. I apply ice packs for my mother and brother. I wish them good night. I pray to god. I wonder. I am scared. I thank god we are together. I tell myself I will be strong. I tell myself to stop wondering. I visit orkut.
A lot can happen on a routine Saturday afternoon. March 15, 2008 was not an average day. I am not scared anymore…but I am still wondering…and trying not to wonder.
