March 15, 2008…An average Saturday…I think not.

Mom woke me up at about 9 AM. I drag myself out of bed…look at her face…ask for a cup of tea…she asks me to tidy the room…says guests are coming.

I chant my prayer in my heart…take a deep breath…look at my face in the mirror opposite my bed…at length…look away from my phone kept by my bedside…get out of bed…usual routine so far...

Dad’s cheerful voice comes from parents’ room…thank god for my blessings…smile…before I go into their room… usual routine so far

Mom gets tea…ask her if she is feeling alright…she had a severe headache yesterday…she looks unusually tired…I fear she has high BP…she ignores my question… usual routine so far

Tidy the room…prepare breakfast for dad…he keeps talking to me and my brother to liven up the morning…we humor him…usual routine so far

Mom is busy putting things in place along with our maid…I step outside for a while…when I get back into the room, mom shows me she has hurt herself. The basement door got unhinged and she got stuck in it. The door is a heavy iron door. I am scared. I ask her if she is hurt badly. As usual she dismisses and says “no, minor hurt.” Her hand is swollen. I apply an ointment on her hand and bandage it…deviation from usual routine…

I thank god for averting what could have been a major accident. I request my mother to take some rest. She ignores me. Usual routine…

Our guests arrive. We greet them. They are elderly people who are here to sort out a distant cousin’s impending divorce…she was beaten up by her millionaire in-laws…deviation from usual routine

I visit orkut. I go through the day trying to focus on what I should be doing…what the day has in store for me…what is it that I will do through the day…look at my phone…look away…hum a prayer…usual routine

It’s four in the evening. I ask mom if her hand is OK. She says yes it is. I take a nap with her. When I wake up, I go to the temple. I thank god for my blessings. I pray for strength. When I return, my brother says he is going out to meet his friend. I go to the market for the customary weekend visit...usual routine

At the market, I buy a stain glass painting set, on an impulse. I’ve never done stain glass painting before. For a few days, I had been thinking about gorging on a burger. I buy calorie-laden burgers from the local bakery… deviation from usual routine

I come back home. Gorge on the goodies. I start the painting…chide myself for the AWFUL attempt…but, continue anyway. I go for a walk… deviation from usual routine

I have taken my watch with me to time myself for the walk instead of my phone…usual routine

I return home much earlier than I thought I would. I check on my phone…I visit orkut. I begin preparing dinner. My brother comes home. He tells me he has met with an accident and that he was lucky to have worn a helmet because he hit his head on the pavement. I don’t know if I am more scared that he met with an accident or more relieved that he is back safe. I ask him how he is. He dismisses my question and says “it’s a minor wound.” I apply ointment on his wound. I step out and go to the temple. I thank god for looking after my family and averting what could have been a major accident. I am really scared. I pray for strength…I pray for the well-being of my family and others. It’s not an average routine day anymore.

I serve dinner to my family. I keep chanting my prayer…thanking god for keeping my family safe. Thanking god for keeping us together so that we could be there for each other when we were needed…I wonder...I am angry with myself for not forgetting. I don't want to be angry.

My mom is moaning now. I ask her what happened. She tells me instead of her hand, her leg is hurting badly suddenly. I can see the pain on her face. I feel helpless. Thankfully, my father is there. My brother is also hurting. I don't want to be weak. My dad is looking after my mother.


I call my cousin who is a physiotherapist. She suggests cold compression for both the patients. I apply ice packs for my mother and brother. I wish them good night. I pray to god. I wonder. I am scared. I thank god we are together. I tell myself I will be strong. I tell myself to stop wondering. I visit orkut.

A lot can happen on a routine Saturday afternoon. March 15, 2008 was not an average day. I am not scared anymore…but I am still wondering…and trying not to wonder.

The Sunscren Song!!!

I was introduced to this song by a colleague...loved it and wanted to share it with you all...


The Sunscreen Song...By Baz Luhrman (Click here to listen to the amazing song!!!)


Ladies and Gentlemen of the class of 99...Wear sunscreen

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it. The long term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience. I will dispense this advice now.

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth; oh never mind; you will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they have faded. But trust me, in 20 years you’ll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you cant grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked...You’re not as fat as you imagine.

Don’t worry about the future; or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubblegum. The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind; the kind that blindside you at 4pm on some idle Tuesday.

Do one thing everyday that scares you. Sing.


Don’t be reckless with other peoples hearts, don’t put up with people who are reckless with yours.

Floss.

Don’t waste your time on jealousy; sometimes you’re ahead, sometimes you’re behind...the race is long, and in the end it’s only with yourself.

Remember the compliments you receive, forget the insults; if you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters, throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch. Don’t feel guilty if you don’t know what to do with your life...the most interesting people I know didn’t know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives, some of the most interesting 40 year olds I know still don’t.Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees, you’ll miss them when they’re gone.

Maybe you’ll marry, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll have children, maybe you won’t, maybe you’ll divorce at 40, maybe you’ll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary...what ever you do, don’t congratulate yourself too much or berate yourself either - your choices are half chance, so are everybody else’s.

Enjoy your body, use it every way you can...don’t be afraid of it, or what other people think of it, its the greatest instrument you’ll ever own.

Dance...even if you have nowhere to do it but in your own living room. Read the directions, even if you don’t follow them. Do NOT read beauty magazines, they will only make you feel ugly.

Get to know your parents; you’ll never know when they’ll be gone for good. Be nice to your siblings; they are the best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. Understand that friends come and go, but for the precious few you should hold on.

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography in lifestyle because the older you get, the more you need the people you knew when you were young. Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard; live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. Accept certain inalienable truths, price will rise, politicians will philander, you too will get old, and when you do you’ll fantasize that when you were young prices were reasonable, politicians were noble and children respected their elders. Respect your elders.

Don’t expect anyone else to support you.

Maybe you have a trust fund, maybe you have a wealthy spouse; but you never know when either one might run out.

Don’t mess too much with your hair, or by the time its 40, it will look 85. Be careful who advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. Advice is a form of nostalgia, dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than its worth.

But trust me on the sunscreen...

True Love requires Courage

I am a little late in updating the sequel to my valentine fever blog...feel like a bestselling writer of sorts :P Well, on popular demand people... here is my definition of the concept of "love". A little background for the uninitiated- I was trying to answer a few questions I had about what love really is. Fortunately for me, life answered these questions for me. Here goes.

• “Lovers” make a lot of sweet beautiful promises to one another-promises of undying love, of forever and ever, of never having met anyone like their better halves. However, it is the courage to fulfill each of those promises that makes naïve dreamers “lovers.” It takes a lot of courage and will power to withstand all pains and tears to be with the one you have shown dreams to, the one you have seen dreams with. Only those who fulfill the promise of togetherness are the ones who have truly loved. A few weeks ago I attended the wedding of two people who fought tooth and nail to fulfill the promise both of them made to each other. The girl had remained resolute in fighting the world to be with the guy. The guy had told the girl on their first date ever that he was not going to leave their being together to chance. Both of them realized their dream of togetherness because for them not being together was never an option. This is true love.
  
  
• Holding hands in public, endearments, phone calls 24x7, weekend dates, stealing kisses…all activities you will often spot couples indulging in. But how many people understand that the reason a couple is referred to as a singular noun is because they are supposed to be “one” and not two different individuals. Couples are partners who sign an agreement of lifelong partnership. There is no room for breaking this partnership. Both the partners must walk hand in hand to realize the dreams, goals, ambitions of the other. Both partners should be by each other’s side when any one of them needs the support of the other.
  
  
• Love does not permit leaving your partner to wipe their tears with their own hands, entertaining new prospective partners after deciding to break the partnership alone. A few days before Valentine’s Day, I saw a very aged couple crossing the road. Both of them could barely walk. In spite of the discomfort, the elderly man held on to his wife to support her while she was walking. He was also carrying a heavy box with another hand. In that one moment, I could feel the love this couple harbored for each other. It was clear that despite all the storms, despite al the pain these two love birds were bent on not just holding each other’s hands but holding on to each other. This is true love.

We often tend to become jealous and possessive of the people we believe ourselves to be in love with. We want their time, their thoughts, their affection, their happiness, everything to be connected to us in some way or the other. There was this girl who felt miserable every time her significant half spent time away from her. She could not bear the thought of him near other women. The so called relationship ended but the girl continued to feel hurt, humiliated, betrayed. For her, life seemed to have come to an end with the end of her relationship. Is that true love? Is love that selfish? Is love so demeaning? Is love so self-destructive?

Another set of questions and the answer to each is a simple NO. Truly, love is synonymous with courage. Only two very courageous people can draw strength from each other and remain companions and partners for ever and ever. This is my interpretation of love.

I’ll end this post by something I really believe in…Loving somebody requires you to make a promise. Never break a promise because when you break a promise, you break a heart, you crush a dream. For some, no matter how hard they try, finding another dream can take a lifetime.

Valentine Fever...What is LOVE?

I had been thinking of updating my blog for a long time. I guess this is what they call "writer's block"... ;) well, not to fear! am well and truly rid of it now. This whole week, the whole world seemed to be gripped by the highly contagious valentine fever. Agony aunts had turned into love gurus on the electronic media, people in the office were perpetually occupied in making grand plans for the D-day...and me...I was beginning to feel like a 27 year old Bridget Jones :( I thought I was really above such frivolity.

I had convinced myself I was a mature young woman who definitely didn’t feel the need to participate in this very juvenile concept of celebrating loveeeeeeeee. But you know what, I realized that in spite of everything I was feeling lonely and well...something else I can’t describe. I explained to myself that if it was a day that was meant to be celebrated with your loved one...with somebody special in your life...then how could I have forgotten that I had a beautiful family at home.

So far, I have taken them for granted. My parents, my brother, everybody has made me feel so very special...they are the ones who have always stood beside me...and yet I have failed to give them the status they truly deserve. For the past few days I had been questioning what really is love? Is it merely making sweet beautiful promises to one another? Calling each other sweet names? Asking one another if they have reached home safely? Does it only mean going out on weekend dates? Does it only mean holding hands in public? Does a stolen kiss qualify as love? Does acting possessive and jealous over your so called significant other signify your love for the person?

I was fortunate enough to witness several incidents that answered all the questions I posed above. As an instructional designer I understand that the attention span of my audience may have wavered by now. So, I will list all these events in my next post.

Keep the Faith!!!

My very close friends know about this magical moment that I experienced. I just wanted to share this with everybody else who cares to read this blog as well. :) Its about faith. Its about miracles. Its about god.

I was holding on to my pursuit of happiness. I was determined to look within for the same. I didn't want to be influenced by anything or anybody for my happiness. I didn't want to be angry with anyone...not even with myself. I wanted to show myself that I can live for the moment...that I had learned to accept whatever life had in store for me with grace...with gratitude even...because whatever it is...has been given...some of it without even asking for it. :)

Life has been a roller coaster ride of sorts for the past few months. The ride has been all it is suposed to be...it has been scary, joyful, smooth, and painful also...not particularly in the same order.

I have a tendency to deviate from the original topic...anyway, I offered a prayer to vaishno ma at this point of time. I was seeking her blessings on this particular day when I found my resolve wavering a little. I wanted to hold on to the promise I had made to myself. I prayed to her to show me in some way that I was not alone...that she was there to hold me...I stepped into my bathroom...my most favorite hiding place. :)

I had just about sensed my resolve weakening...when i prayed to mata. and lo and behold!!! I spotted torn pieces of a letter I had written to myself- safely hidden behind an almira in the bathroom. I had written this letter several months ago. In a fit of anger, I had torn the letter that very day and had thrown it away. In the letter, I had made all the promises I mentioned above. I had penned down the names of all the people and all the things I counted as God's most beautiful gifts to me. I had listed all the beautiful memories I cherished and will continue to cherish all my life. That letter was meant to be a reminder of how beautiful my life was and how I should be thankful to God for this glorious present.

When i found the letter again after all these months, I stepped out of the bathroom and I asked my mom where she got the torn pieces of letter from. She told me that she had seen me writing something down and then throwing it away. She thought that it must be preserved so she just collected all the pieces and hid them behind the closet. She never once looked at the letter. I put together all the pieces of the letter and read it again. In that one moment, after I read the letter, I felt God's presence in my life again. I felt mata's arms around me. I felt her palms wiping my tears. That was the most magical experience of my life. For me it was nothing short of a miracle...when my prayer was answered instantly. When I was reassured by none other than the almighty.

It is very important to have faith in yourself. For some this may be anextremely emotional piece of writing. but for me this experience was truly motivating...god is nothing but the power within us. We must never ever forget that...:)

Moving on!!!

There was this phrase that everybody seemed to be repeating to me. Everybody told me to move on...I asked some people I was very very close to what "moving on" really meant...everybody had a different interpretation. Nobody could ever explain to me what they meant when they told me to move on...Today I have my own interpretation...atleast, today i think I know that I want to move on :D

This picture was taken what now seems like ages ago. An amazing trip with some lovely memories...This is a picture that is symbolic of a lot of things I believe in...hope, prayers, dreams, and moving on. Only two years have passed, yet I am so different. A lot of relationships have revived, a lot left behind...and I move on...with a smile. It is an uphill journey. Sometimes, I get really tired, I feel like slowing down, taking some rest, talking to a few nice looking (no pun intended ;)) people around, striking a conversation...yet I move on. During the course of this journey, I sometimes reach a spot that seems like my destination. I feel sure that this is where I wanted to get, this is what I wanted all my life, the beautiful and the soothing suroundings, a wonderful sense of security, and the comfort of belonging lull me into a deep and a very cosy sleep. But, i wake up or rather am woken up. In the light of the mornning, what seemed so beautiful seems even more beautiful, but I am sent away, because I am no longer welcome. It hurts, yet I move on. At times, the weather takes its toll, it seems too harsh, and I want to give the journey up. I want to just stop. But, something pulls me...and I move on.